you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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