so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
only if we run a train.
done.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
