I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
