if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
birth control should be required to get into college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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