Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm at about main and main street
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
