The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
