Can i not drive my cunt home
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
