Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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