Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
