So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
