Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
