i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
