It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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