it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
