My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
