when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
