I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
