you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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