did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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