The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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