She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
