Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
