Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
