I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
