Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
