She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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