I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
