I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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