I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
