U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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