real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
