Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He did a backflip because drugs
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