At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
