The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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