Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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