just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
