puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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