i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
