what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
