I wish I only lived at night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
