I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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