I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
