My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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