Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
