I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
