finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
