how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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