True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
