You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
