Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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