had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
