I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
