I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
