I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
