so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
