There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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