i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize