I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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