I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
