There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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