Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
