You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
